“He never called back after he said he would,” “he only talked about himself,” “he had only one thing on his mind…” etc., etc. Because I was a few years older and happily married for ten years, Karen would often share her dating foibles with me. A good communicator, respectful, happy disposition, decent looking. Are you ready to take a chance and let your date know that you’re not just ‘sport dating’?
A man and woman face each other across a table at a downtown bistro, looking nervous and awkward. There is a stiff formality to the way they sit—no slouching. It remains to be seen if it will pick up speed, gain altitude, and soar skyward . Sometimes they lead to burning love; sometimes they go down in flames.
All the observable and obvious clues: They are nicely groomed—stylish, but not overdone. As would-be romances go, this plane is very slow to leave the gate and get onto the runway. or if it will lose engine power and sit on the tarmac indefinitely. It’s true that first dates can be one of the most nerve-wracking, anxiety-producing situations in our society.
If there’s a lull in the conversation, insert a creative question or two and the conversation should begin to flow.
These questions come from dating coach/matchmaker Rachel Greenwald’s, “Have Him at Hello: Confessions from 1,000 Guys About What Makes Them Fall in Love…or Never Call Back” (© Random House 2008).
When you were little, what did you dream of being when you grew up?
What’s the luckiest thing that’s ever happened to you?
The best communication occurs with an even and equal exchange between two people. Getting to know someone new is like peeling an onion one thin layer at the time. But some people, overeager to get into deep and meaningful conversation, go too far too fast.
Think of conversation as a tennis match in which the players lob the ball back and forth. They ask personal or sensitive questions that put the other person on the defensive. If feeling inhibited is a problem for some people, others go to the opposite extreme: they use a date as an opportunity to purge and vent.
The cool thing is that the questions in the study are catalysts for the of a relationship (which by definition means it isn’t necessarily going to go anywhere) and the questions in the book are for a relationship that is already committed or is very much leaning towards commitment.
Both groups of questions can also be used repeatedly in a relationship as the relationship and the individuals evolve, in order to continue to be in tune with each other.
“He seems like a good guy, but can I stand one more failed date evening? ” After dozens of typical ‘dumb dates,’ she knew sitting in a dark room watching another movie and having a drink in another dark room wasn’t getting her any closer to marriage. But don’t you think asking questions like this turns the date into some kind of formal interview?