A widow friend of mine is in a wonderful relationship, but the “L” word hasn’t been uttered. There’s no schedule or guidelines, no formula or rules.
To put a little more pressure on the couple, their one-year anniversary is in the neighborhood of Valentine’s Day. Just as everyone’s grieving period is different, people fall in love at varying degrees.
I would have appreciated having my grief start date clearly noted in red, the days when getting out of bed was going to be a challenge highlighted in yellow, all anniversaries/birthdays/holidays circled in green, and the most important thing of all..grief end date...circled in bright orange highlighter so that I would know when my grief had officially come to an end.Not only was there no mourning road map forthcoming, but grief kept me on a circular roller coaster ride.Some relationships are quick-starts, immediately passionate and intense; others warm up slowly, segueing from affection to love; some turn unconditional seemingly overnight. It’s a complicated emotion, difficult to track and impossible to predict.Our brain triggers chemical signals and our body responds.They are distressed that their remaining parent could love somebody else, which interrupts their romantic notions of an enduring and never-changing family unit.
So it’s not a crazy scenario that the children wouldn’t like their father to have a new woman in his life.
A parent, however, is entitled to have a life, and doesn’t need a child’s approval or permission.
It is healthy for young widows and widowers to pair off again.
I have been told that such public displays of mourning are indications of unresolved grief/guilt.
My sense is that this is true, which causes me concern not only for my health and that of the man I am dating but for our relationship as well.
On the face of it, I can tell you that there is nothing intrinsically wrong with the need to honor the memory of a deceased loved one on a birthday or a death day.